guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
