I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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