I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
