Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
