We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
