I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
