there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
