so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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