He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
bring money and cleavage
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
