she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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