wakey wakey hands off snakey
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
