I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
