if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
