What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
