I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
