I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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