you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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