just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
