when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
