Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
