I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
