The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
