think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
