I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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