According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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