were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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