Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
