He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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