So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have fence marks all over my body
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
