I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
