If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
