We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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