just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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