I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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