Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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