i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
you never un-have a 4some
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
