i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
