I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
