Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
