Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
