mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
