I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
