I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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