I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize