it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
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