dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize