apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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