He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
