If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Your penis caused this!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
