quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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