only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
