I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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