I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
