My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
