I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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