I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
