i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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