Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
