is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
