Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
