ugly people sure do ruin things
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
