Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize