Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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