he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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