he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
