I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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