U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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